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Post by Elizabeth on Sept 10, 2006 0:28:44 GMT -5
The Hours
It's in these Pale and petalled hours I'm underneath your power I fall at your feet
Those green eyes Hold me like a mousetrap You kiss me and I shrink back I admit defeat
If afterglow could speak It would tell how you make me weak And how your fingers turn to gold When I give over all control And if bedposts could sing I'm sure they'd intone everything Their lyrics would explain the sight Their metal eyes see every night With our four hands...
Your fingertips Trace me like a viper With venom that could wipe me out In just one touch
That cold stare Warms me like December And baby, I surrender I want you too much...
If afterglow could speak It would tell how you make me weak And how your fingers turn to gold When I give over all control And if bedposts could sing I'm sure they'd intone everything Their lyrics would explain the sight Their metal eyes see every night With our four hands...
It's in these Pale and petalled hours I'm underneath your power I fall at your feet...
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eric
New Member
Posts: 8
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Post by eric on Sept 28, 2006 14:58:37 GMT -5
Wierd relationship, there! Your words have a lot of power, what I'm afraid of is that they're too vague. I really have no idea where the song comes from or where it goes (no, this is not a 'back-atcha'). I'd kind of like a more tangible section, but at the same time I'm not sure that's what you were going for. Write me back, help me out. I'm clutching at straws when it comes to critiquing this song, because one part of me really likes it the way it is, and the other part is trying to grasp on to something more concrete.
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Post by erica on Oct 1, 2006 16:29:30 GMT -5
>:(Elizabeth I love everything of yours that I've read, and this is no exception. I have no idea how to critique it because I honestly have no idea where to begin. It's excellent.
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